When I was 16, I read [a book on how to fix procrastination](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1880115107/). It was a bright yellow, clipart-covered, 166-page guide on "How to achieve self-discipline in 10 days". Surprisingly, the book worked! For weeks, I just did what seemed most important, with no psychological resistance. However, that resistance crept back in, and eventually I was in the same avoidant place. ![[Pasted image 20241214172359.png|400]] *Often, the people it works for review it, but the silent majority who didn't see returns don't feel qualified to share. Survivorship bias etc etc* Most experts implicitly assume their framework, habits, or tools will work. If they don't work, it's due to a lack of will or belief from the user. This is reinforced by the endless stream of glowing 5-star reviews for these resources; people rave about how they solved major problems in their lives. Seeing that a given resource is so good, we ask, how could the fault be with anyone besides ourselves? Here's the problem: Systems fall apart. The default outcome for any self-improvement change is a temporary boost that fades with time. This is demoralizing, especially after you try many resources and continually experience "failure". It can lead to a guilt-laden negative feedback loop where, no matter how hard you try, it seems like you always end up at the same place. Memes and motivational images around this abound, saying things like "The path to success is more like a scribble than a line," in attempts to portray these struggles as inevitably moving upward. But we know it's not inevitable. Sometimes somebody's gym habit fails and they don't pick it up until a decade later. Another person loses their relationship, and the emotional fallout causes them to lose their job. Positive outcomes are not guaranteed, and lying about that is also a disservice. ![[Pasted image 20241214173009.png|500]] *this fucking image* The given answer to this is often "just keep getting up again buckaroo 😎👉👉". But this is not particularly actionable advice. The "try harder" button is worn at this point, and isn't something you can press forever. At least, you can't if your brain is like mine. Here's what I wish someone had told me: Systems fall apart. Most solutions you try will work for a while, then fail. This is ok, this is common, your brain is not broken. What you need is a regular step back. Once per week (ish), look at the most important parts of your life, and ask "Is this working? If no, what could I do differently?", then pick a couple things to do differently the next week. That's it. Even this weekly check-in itself will likely fall apart a lot - schedule it with a friend if possible. The thing to do differently should never be "try harder". That's a recipe for guilt. Here are some things you can try instead: - Ask yourself: What's solved this problem for me in the past? Can I just do that again? (we often forget about things that work) - Ask: If I don't know what to do, where can I find out? (e.g. a smart friend, a class, a trainer, a book) - Ask: If I know what to do, what's the easiest way I can start doing it? (e.g. environmental reminders, social accountability, making the habit smaller or easier. See [Atomic Habits](https://www.amazon.com/Atomic-Habits-Proven-Build-Break/dp/0735211299)) - Ask: If I'm doing the thing and it's not working, why? Should I change my approach? ```mermaid graph TD A[Is health/sleep/relationships working?] B[Cool] C[Figure out what to change] D[Take action on a couple of the things] A --Yes--> B B --> A A --No --> C C --> D D --> A ``` *My Totally Novel Self-Improvement Framework That You've Never Seen Before™* There are a billion different forms of this, some are more advanced than others. But a regular habit of asking the question and taking simple actions will get you 80% of the way there. Especially if your initial areas of focus are the most fundamental: Sleep, exercise, health generally, relationships (especially close friendships), or work. Almost everything you try will still fall apart. But with this approach, your baseline habits will gradually improve, and at the same time, the games you play will get better. Instead of struggling to pay rent, you might struggle to manage your investments. Instead of struggling to lose weight, you might struggle to heal from an athletic injury. The struggle itself never goes away, but you'll be playing with better tools, better stakes, greater rewards, and smaller losses. But victory doesn't look like standing at the top of a squiggly line. It looks like standing on a pile of thousands of corpses - books that you read but didn't use, gym habits that didn't stick, skincare products that caused breakouts, diet fads that should've died in the 90s. Use the tools you have, but to win, you've got to keep stacking. Expect the shutdowns. Habitually check in on the things that matter. Take small steps each time. Good luck out there 🫡 *I want to emphasize that this system is not excluded from the rule "systems fall apart". When things get stressful, this kind of review will often go out the window. That's ok. Do what you can, try to schedule it with a friend, set reminders, whatever you need.*